Effx Looks like you found my porn stash...

Okay.

Okay, okay…. I have to get this down, I have to work this out.

I am freaking out.

I’m all a mixture of excited, shocked, horrified, terrified, ecstatic and furious, and I don’t know which one is more justified.

First and foremost, I WISH this was it; I wish this was Stendan Reunian, with Ste giving Brendan another chance. But I know it’s not. It wouldn’t make sense, and neither of them have reached the place they need to get to yet, in order to make Stendan work. Brendan has not changed.

So then… is this Ste being sly and revengeful? Maybe. And mostly that scares me, because it will break my heart just as it will break Brendan’s.

HOWEVER… this is what we invested in when we invested in Stendan. They are - and will be for a long time - a very fucked-up partnership. And if this story is done RIGHT then it can be EVERYTHING that made Stendan special in the first place: It can be complex, it can be intense, it can be passionate, it can be emotional, it can be damaged, it can be destroying.

But I don’t know how much faith I have in Hollyoaks to do it correctly.

If they have Ste do this and simply be cold, manipulative and calculating, I will not be able to bear it. If they have Ste do this, and his love be GENUINE, but his hurt and his anger be prominent, then they’ve got this right. They need to lay it down on the table: BRENDAN HURT STE BADLY. Ste is showing Brendan how that feels. He’s finally getting Brendan back for two years of let-down and hurt.

I want to see it all: I want to see Ste’s love, I want to see tears, I want to see Brendan’s devastation and regret. I want all of this to be done out of pure HURT, and never be portrayed as ‘hate’. Then it makes a whole load of sense.

Because how all this has affected Ste hasn’t been shown enough, and what better way to do it than show how he LOVES Brendan but HURTS him and WALKS AWAY from him, because of all Brendan’s put him through.

So I guess all I’m saying is this has the potential to be very very very very heartbreaking and emotional and torturous - for BOTH OF THEM. And I really hope it’s portrayed like that, and NOT like Ste is just cold and manipulative. That’s not why he’d do this.

In terms of what this means for endgames, I have no idea. This throws my theory out of the window that Stug will have a simple ride, and therefore Stendan will be endgame. However, we do know that Kieron and Emmett are still filming together recently so I guess…… I have no theories anymore. I just need to see how this plays out.

I’m freaking out still. This is insane. Scary.

I hope they do it right. :(

(and a little stupid part of me is still hoping there will be an announcement soon that this is REAL, stendan are a couple, and this whole time Doug has been just a decoy to throw us off the scent. Stupid me.)

Okay, so here are my latest thoughts.

I’m okay with Stug. To me they’re enjoyable to watch; they have a sweet chemistry, they’re played by two brilliant actors and they’re both great characters - both together and on their own. To me it’s like watching Ste and Noah, only much much much better, because you can believe Ste would do it this time, and because Doug actually has a personality. 

In other ways it’s not like Ste and Noah because there’s always the risk that Ste would fall genuinely in love with Doug. That’s a big worry, but to be honest it doesn’t bother me that much. Because we know that Ste will never be able to stop loving Brendan deep down and at some point that will have to be addressed. Also, I’m confident that whenever Brendan chooses to get his head back in the game, and bombard back into Ste’s life, their chemistry will shine through. Different to Stug chemistry… ARGUABLY better… and those casual fans will remember exactly what made Ste and Brendan special.

I still believe that that is the POINT of Stug. To be an alternate!Stendan that audiences will get on board with and invest in, in order to up the stakes for Stendan and make this their most epic love-triangle ever. Judging by ‘Ste and Doug’ trending last night, I’ll say they’ve done a good job. This love triangle will be epic… and messy. 

But I’m still confident that Ste and Brendan are endgame. For many reasons. Mainly, this is a two-year storyline that has been slowly burning and slowly building up and has not yet had any conclusion. But they’ve planned ahead for Brendan, all the way until February 2013, and we know they plan for him to try and change.

Secondly, I think if Stug were endgame, it would be harder than this. Right now it’s too simple for them; they’re cute, they make each other happy, they like each other. If they were endgame, I think they would have Ste with BRENDAN right now, whilst working alongside a love-struck Doug, and Hollyoaks would have Ste and Dougs ‘sexual tension’ simmering away for MONTHS until stug fans can’t bear it any longer, and then BAM, unite them. Endgame. But that’s not what is happening. That’s what’s happening with STENDAN.

It’s not Stendan’s time right now. Brendan needs to change, we know that. And we will enjoy that journey of him trying to change to get his boy back, whilst the stakes have never been higher. Until Brendan is ready for Ste, I say this is ok. It makes the journey more dramatic anyway. 

Final thoughts, I’m not allowing myself to get hung up on this. I’m trying to forget Stendan whilst Stug are playing out, purely because I want to enjoy Stug and by comparing them to Stendan I’m not going to be able to. I’m going to sit back and enjoy watching all the drama unfold, and continue to believe until proven wrong, that Stendan will be the EPIC FINALE.